The times they are a-changing!
Current mood: Contemplative
Change.. As an answer to a question in a previous post (Serious talk with myself), yes, change do get worse with age.
I’m thinking of my childhood, how you longed for starting school, to be more ‘grown up’. It never occurred to you the consequences that came with it. Or the fear for anything that might happen. Fear of failure or whatever. You just saw the fun and positive sides of everything new. But in my case, it didn’t turn out to be that positive. I hated school, from the very beginning. And that led to bad experiences, low self esteem, more tries to study (after elementary school) that crashed and burned and that added to the low self esteem even more. So I guess it’s no wonder that I feel afraid now about starting school again.
I’m not sure that I can make it. School I mean. I don’t know quite what to expect, from school or myself. What I can do. Sure, I felt like shit in the past but maybe that wasn’t the reason for me failing classes. It probably was a big part but was it everything? I don’t know.
And I guess what scares me the most is that I don’t know what to expect from myself. I think that that’s what’s holding me back. I feel a lot better now, but.. Hmm, I guess my self esteem could be better.
(Ok, now I’m cutting in).
I figured as much..
(Don’t get smart with me. I just wanted to say that if you go to school and really make an effort this time, you will make it and with that your self esteem will grow. You know, deep, deep down that you CAN make it).
I suppose but.. It’s just so damn hard to take the step over the threshold. I’m afraid that I’ll stumble.
(Then you’ll get back up again)
Is it really that easy?
(It is that easy. Ok, it might be a little tough to fall but as said, you’ll get back up with one more experience to put in your backpack)
Or a scar for life..
(Don’t be so pessimistic! But yeah, I know that you have to get it all off your chest before you are ready to take the step. But you are ready now, aren’t you?)
I’m toying with the idea, yeah.
(Good! I really think you should apply for a course. It can’t hurt)
Technically it can.. If I crash and burn.
(Cheesus, doesn’t Anything I say get through your thick skull?!)
Sorry, yeah, it does. It just need to let go of all of my fears. And that ain’t easy.
(Of course it isn’t. But I think you’re doing a pretty good job).
Why, thank you!
(I’ll leave you be now)
Ah, crap.. Guess I’ve got a phone call to make tomorrow.. Or sending an e-mail. We’ll se. I’ll get in touch with them school people one way or another.
And just for the record, I still ADORE my own WordPress theme!!
//Syntium
