Nightmares
Current mood: Upset
I have just awoken from two.. I would like to call them nightmares. In the first one I had apparantly been drinking alcohol and it affected me so that I couldn’t stand up correctly, I kept falling on the floor, though I had only drunk a little. My limbs were shaking and I had no control over my body. It was a very uncomfortable feeling.
And then the other dream started (or they were sort of intertwined) and I was suddenly best friends with the girls from the L word and we were at some kind of restaurant, or it was at first. Then, by a new girl that came to sit with us, the room changed and I got the feeling that it was some kind of psychiatric ward or health and rehabilitation clinic. Anyway, this new girl suddenly looked through the window and said ‘There is C!’ (C is a friend of mine that took her own life this past summer.) So I got up too, with a lot of strange thoughts in my head. I wasn’t surprised she was there if it were some kind of psychiatric ward, but at the same time the thought of her being dead stirred in the back of my mind. But I ran up to the window (I think she was outside smoking) and it was her! It was such a clear and perfect image of her. She looked me straight in the eye, and I once again thought how dark and beautiful her eyes were. But she didn’t smile at me, and it seemed as she was shivering of cold. The weather outside was cloudy and grey. I moved a little to get a better view of her on the other half of the window, but then she was gone. Just like that. So I ran up to the door at the other end of the room and she came in and we hugged tightly and I remember thinking ‘Is she back or is she going?’ or something like that. I held her face in my hands, and she seemed happy to see me, but it didn’t quite look like her. Then I noticed she had handcuffs on but they weren’t locked and it was a long chain so she was able to give me another hug. I asked (I think) how she was doing, and she said something like ‘It’s so easy to lie to people’ meaning she didn’t do as good as she let on. And then I don’t remember anymore. I think she just dissolved. And I woke up with so many things I wanted to tell her, but realized she was dead and that was so saddening.
There’s a lot more to write about this, but now I am tired again and will go back to bed. Maybe I’ll write later.
//Syntium
