In the junkyard of my mind
Current mood: Creative
I’ve finished my SeaQuest fan fiction Only an ocean away, and have now started a new one. This one focuses on Lucas, I don’t have the whole story planned out, only the beginning, so I won’t be posting it on fanfiction.net until it’s completely done. I hated to leave people hanging between chapters so, I won’t be doing that this time. Though I am a slow writer so I wonder if this story will get done this decade.
I guess I should be writing on my book instead, but.. I don’t know. I guess a real writer isn’t controlled by feelings, but I am it feels, therefor I find it a little hard (!) to write certain things at the moment. I should just write but I can’t. I’m speaking in riddles, and it’s very complicated so I’ll just change the subject.
I’ve decided not to get a tattoo with my birth year. Instead I will either buy a shirt with the number 81 on it or hope I’ll get one for Christmas. I’m not sure about the Pisces-sign though. I mean, it would have to be a pretty big star with if the sign should fit in it and that it doesn’t get too small so you can’t see what it is. The problem is, I don’t know if I want a tattoo that big.
I feel like I’m not getting any better at folding the cranes. It’s like the creases needs to be down to molecule level straight, and I can’t do that. I guess I’ve gotten a tiny bit better, but not much. It feels it has a lot to do with luck or something.
Anyway.. I went to see this nurse/health guru/coach or whatever she is, but she didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. The constant pointing out that I have to do the work, that I have to decide and so on, makes me feel, well, both pissed off and lonley. Pissed off, because I have already come to that insight myself and don’t need it pointed out like a gazillion times, and lonely because it is all up to me. Everyone around can only be supportive to a certain extent, but it is I that actually have to take the walks, choose healthier food and so on. And it’s not like I don’t already know this, the hard part is to do it! But I will (hopefully) start taking walks again tomorrow (always start on a Monday boys and girls!)
Now I don’t feel creative anymore, as I did when I started this entry. Just cold and empty. I’m just not.. Optimistic anymore. As time has gone by, I’ve started to feel like.. This can’t be fixed. And that makes me so sad. The more I think about it the more obvious it gets, yet there are unfinished business that I don’t know how to handle. Time will tell I guess.
I will stop writing nonsense (to most of you) now.
//Syntium
