Old friends
Current mood: Dunno..
Living in denial can be a pleasant thing. Until you have to face the reality.
I’m facing reality right now, that my beloved oldest friend might be suffering from dementia. There are various signs, but the one that struck me when I got to my parents and went out to see him, he just looked at me, as if he didn’t recognize me. He usually meows (and I imagine that is to say hello) when he sees me. But this time he just stared at me. He did let me pat him, but not without sniffing my hand first. I’m not sure he purred but I hope so. He purrs very quietly.
When I got back in the house again and told my mom how he had reacted, I just felt empty. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I was as if I hadn’t any emotions at all. I still feel empty, and that makes me feel kind of guilty.
So, I guess there’s no other way to go but forward now. I have often thought about it, when I’ve been feeling down and so on, that someday we will have to say goodbye. And I guess I did that to hurt myself somehow, in the soul. Anyway, I would of course get very sad, but now.. Facing reality, I don’t feel anything. Well, actually it goes up and down, but the past few days I’ve just been feeling empty. Last Monday, I really wanted to get drunk, to forget about everything for a while. I still have that feeling, but not as strong.
It’s just so tragic, he doesn’t deserve this! He deserves to be healthy and live a long, loong life. But I guess 14 is old for a cat. It’s just that he’s been there since like forever it feels. Don’t know if I am ready to let him go.
//Syntium
