There will always be you
Current mood: Happy, relieved and just.. Happy
Things.. Haven’t been that well between D and I lately. Not that we were arguing or anything like that, just.. different kind of wishes. I can’t go into detail.
Anyway, it was pretty bad, and I feared that the day that I would write ‘D and I is no longer’ here had come. There were moments when I really truly believed that. That my best friend, was no longer my best friend. And I thought I felt sort of relieved by it. That I was ‘free’ of something. Or so went the thoughts in my head. But the thing is.. I had this dream last night one of those pain in the ass-dreams where everything seems to be or go wrong. Anyway, I remember that a buss stopped in front of me and I saw all these people get off it, and I thought I hinted D. But then I thought ‘Nah, I’m always thinking that I see him on the town, why should it be him?’ (we live in different cities), it couldn’t be him. But it was! He came at me, smiling, just smiling so honestly and openly and I hesitated to hug him (because of all the things that had been going on between us I think, didn’t really know if he wanted me to or if I still was his best friend). But then I couldn’t contain myself anymore and threw myself in his arms and buried my face against his shoulder and started crying. But he just laughed, and I think I thought to myself ‘Does he really want to be my friend?’ or something. Then the dream ended and I woke up to find an e-mail in my inbox, from D. He stated that he missed me and when I read it I remembered the dream and it brought tears to my eyes. And I realized how much I had missed him too!
It amazes me that.. No matter what, we always, somehow manages to find our way back to eachother. I wish he would come and see me, but at the same time, I think we need just that. Time. Babysteps back to eachother. But still steps. And.. I would also like to say that it feels good to have something in your life that will be there no matter what! Something that lasts, a constant if you will.
I had this song quote on a community page of mine that goes like this: ‘I’m prepared to crack the mirror, just to get the real thing. Give me something that lasts’. It’s a song by the group Dive called Overflow. Anyway, it felt like that, that I was prepared to sacrifice my friendship with my best friend, just to get.. Something else, I guess. But I didn’t have to crack the mirror, I’ve got something that lasts. And that feels.. There’s no word but pure bliss. And even that doesn’t begin to cover what I feel!
I love you, D! And I’ll be there for you!
//Syntium
