Syntium – The Blog

Current mood: Darren Hayesed ;o)

I did receive my copy of the DELUXE version of This Delicate Film We’ve made a couple of weeks ago. And I got this grand idea that I would ‘review’ it my blog. But I say ‘review’ because I’m not in any way a reviewer. I just thought that I’d write down some thoughts on every video.

So for those of you who hasn’t seen it (and this means you too D, because I am forcing you to watch it when we meet) yet can stop reading.. Now.

A fear of falling under - Takes us straight down to what I imagine to be the ocean floor. Pieces from the other videos lie half-buried under sand like the origami bird or for example (as the nerd I am) Pac Man. The images fit the song well, but if I could have one wish, it would have been that the credits were ‘out of the way’ when Darren started to sing. (Yeah, I may be nitpicking here)

Who would have thought - One of the first pieces Darren released as a teaser for the album. And as I have fallen in love with the origami bird, I simply adore this one. The video, I suppose, is about love and hurt and loving yourself. And I must say that Richard Cullen is a fantastic animator!! I wish I could be like him, hehe.

Waking the monster - Inspired by Victorian England and once again I am amazed of how talented Richard is, there’s a Whole Lot of detail that you just want to stare at and be amazed by, but the camera keeps moving, leaving me a little frustrated.

How to build a time machine - Colorful, beautiful, stunning! I think this one’s my favourite on the dvd. Love the 80′s feel and how something old and broken can be forged together into something completely new and better.

Neverland - This is one of my favourite songs from the album and my expectations were quite high. It’s directed by Darren Hayes and his partner Richard Cullen. I can’t say I understand All of the images that flashes by very quickly. Maybe if I watch it a few more times. Also the fact that Darren himself appears in this piece, singing to the words made it feel.. Kind of like an ‘ordinary’ music video. But as said, I’ll watch it again. And again =)

Step into the light - Made by Damian Hale. Was also one of the first two (? if I remember correctly) teasers. I didn’t particularly like the song at first, but now it has grown on me and I love it! And the vid is of course nothing less than beautifully made. It’s about a space ship turning a seemingly dead planet into a lush place. Well that’s my interpretation.

Casey - 80′s nerd as I am, I love this video too. The references to old computer games make me want more! A little tip from me to you is to get the game Audiosurf and play it with this song. Feels almost like you’re in the video!

Setting sun - A very haunting piece, but it goes well with the song. Sometimes I get the impression of World War II, but other times that it’s depicting some future disaster, World War III perhaps.

Words - One of my fav songs from the album. It’s a beautiful song and video. A bit slow to watch but I like it.

A hundred challenging things a boy can do - Didn’t really like this song either at first, but it too grew on me and I looked forward to how my view of the song would change. I thought it would be dark, and not so colorful and well, full of light and hope. It’s a gorgeous vid to a sad song.

The future holds a lions heart - The 3D video! Although very nice looking it feels a bit anonymus, as if it doesn’t have a message. I’m sure it does, but it’s hard to keep up with all the flying cards.

Maybe - About a boy that has lost someone dear to him, and for me the hardest one to describe. I guess it’s about losing a loved one, but that they never truly disappear from you.

A conversation with God - A very good looking car driving on a bridge. I don’t really know how to feel about this one. One could say that with the ending, the dvd has come full circle with the ocean floor..

Well, this was my two cents on This Delicate Film we’ve made. Kudos to Darren Hayes for pulling this off, with a double album, a concert dvd and now this beautiful artwork that I adore!

//Syntium

Current mood: Undecided

As I yesterday (or very early this morning) registered at bloggportalen.se (Swedish site) and I was supposed to fill out this form and describe what my blog consisted of. It was so hard! I agonized over it! Because I realized, that my blog probably isn’t that interesting from a stranger’s point of view.

So what is my tagline? Well, I stole D’s suggestion, so credit where credit’s due. It’s ‘A blog from my lesbian, schizophrenic and sober life. In English.’ Sounds like I’ve got tons of affairs with women, and in between that I am kind of schizophrenic and sober. Fun, eh? Well, it’s not quite like that. I am a lesbian (or somewhat lesbian anyway). I do suffer from schizophrenia which, by the way, is not when you have multiple personalities. It’s a very common misconception and it pisses me off sometimes or at least makes me feel frustrated. When you have schizophrenia, you may get hallucinations, like seeing things that aren’t really there or hearing things, maybe believe that people want to hurt you. Well, that’s very individual, what you experience in a psychosis.
And sober? Tha’ts because the meds I’m taking for my damn schizophrenia. If I drink, they don’t work, simply put, so I get really depressed. Most of the time it’s not a big deal but then there’s times when it’s really hard. It’s not like I’m an alcoholic, I just miss the feeling of being relaxed and sometimes even the taste of vodka. But I’m much better off without it.

So, what should I write here to make my blog more interesting? Sex apparently.. According to bloggportalen.se the two most searched terms is about sex.
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m feeling quite asexual at the moment. Or most of the time. I blame the meds. But also the fact that I don’t have a girlfriend. I mean, it would be easier to have a sexlife then. ;o)

I don’t know.. Most of the time I have no clue what I’m actually blogging about. I may have a subject that I want to write about, but when I actually write, more than half of my thoughts have just vanished. Slightly frustrating.

And I want another tattoo, but seems like I’m not the only one with that idea =/

//Syntium

Current mood: Sad

There’s a whole lump in my stomach with feelings. I don’t exactly know what it consists of, but a few more differential feelings. Like, of course, sadness. I don’t think I can finally get a grip of you being gone yet. It hasn’t sunk in. It will probably take a few weeks before it does. I mean this is the Breaking of the Fellowship. Our little fellowship, consisting of me, you, Dylan and Dominic. And now neither of you is with me anymore. It’s only been a few hours but I already miss you. And it will probably be even worse when I go back to my parents and you aren’t there.
Pain stabs at my heart now and then. I didn’t want that power, to decide whether you should live or not.

But everyone tells me it was the right decision, and it probably was. Maybe you suffered. But you won’t suffer anymore now.

And may I say that I also feel a little relieved? Not because you’re gone, but because of the way you went. We got a very good veterinarian. She took us to a little room where there were candle lights and dimmed light so it wasn’t this strong, cold, fluorescent light. And when the actual shot came, you purred. When the vet was done you continued to purr for a little while, then you stopped as you became more relaxed.

I don’t know what the reason was for your purring. Maybe you were scared and that was a way of comforting yourself. I thought before ‘If he purrs, then it is the right decision.’ And I hope that that’s why you purred. To tell me that this was ok, this was what you wanted. And you hardly struggled at all so, maybe you knew somehow. Then I got to sit down with you in my arms as you slowly fell asleep for the last time.

I took your little St. Francis-medallion and hung it around my neck, that way, I feel you’re with me in a way. But in another way you’re of course with me in my heart. Always.

I will remember those summer nights when I chased you, wanting for you to come back in the house and sleep in my bed and you just toyed with me because you were to fast for me too catch. I think you had fun then. Or when you laid beside me in my bed while I was writing in my diary. Or when you slept in my bed and I had your paw in my hand and we fell asleep that way. I loved the way you used to purr. And I told you this and sometimes it was as if, you purred because I liked it. Fourteen years is a long time and there are so many memories and I’m glad you got a worthy end. You deserved that. I love you, and miss you!

//Syntium

Current mood: Gutted

I’ve felt lately that something has sucked all the energy out of me. Probably not strange since there’s been stuff going on, like this with my cat. A date has been set, but he’s still alive so I guess I can change my mind still.

Then there’s all the new laws here in Sweden. Like the IPRED-law as they call it. It stands for ‘Intellectual Property Rights Enforcement Directive’. Which pretty much means that a record company or a film company can demand that an ISP hands out the information of who sits behind a certain IP-number. Then they can send that person a letter stating he or she should pay a ridiculously high amount of money or they drag you to court, and you will lose and pay even more money. And all they need as proof is a screen dump (which you absolutely not can throw together in, say, adobe photoshop, oh no). Not even the police have that right, to demand IP-numbers on such loose grounds, that someone might have uploaded or downloaded a file.

Now I of course don’t download.. Much. If I download it’s stuff I can’t get any other way. I mean that it’s too fucking expensive to buy a cd just for one song like I did like 10-12 years ago. Or there’s something I want that I can’t get in my mainstream record store here in town, like a new band or something. If I download it, like it, I of course buy the album.

I’m a traditionalist. I like to own the cd of the artist that I like, and I don’t particular like this development with buying song on itunes or wherever. But as said, they’re too expensive to buy and hoping you’ll love it. So thus, I only buy records by artist I know I like.

And the FRA-law? Don’t get me started.. Seems we’re not too far away from Orwell’s 1984.
In fact, we may already be there.

//Syntium