Birthdays and books
Current mood: Tired (what else is new)
So, B-day tomorrow. A year older and perhaps a little wiser. Not that I care for birthdays much, at least not my own.
My book is nearly done, all it needs is some fine tuning and a cover image. That feels.. Scary. To have your whole life exposed like that. Thinking ‘who has read it and who hasn’t’ maybe. But I think.. -Hope- that I will feel better for it. To stop dwelling on the past and look forward. I got the analogy in my head that it’s kind of a little time machine. That I have gone back in time, picked out the bad parts and brought them back to where I am now to heal them. And me, of course. It’s like, I can finally accept my past, and see how everyone did everything they could to help me. I used to want a ‘scapegoat’, someone to blame for the crappy teens and for a good deal of my crappy twenties. But I don’t need that anymore. It was my life, I went to hell and back several times, and I came out stronger. Hmm, this was good, I might put this in the book ;D
But I guess the scariest part is, that if I don’t sell one copy, I have to pay for all the books myself. I don’t have that kind of money. They print a 100 copies and whatever books that are left after three months, you have to buy yourself. And as said, that is a lot of money, so I hope they sell really well and fast.
And yes, I’m feeling better now, than the previous few posts, mainly because I managed to get out of the Evil Spiral of Dwelling! With a lot of help from my therapist of course. I went to the doctor though, and she didn’t quite know what the lump in my throat was but I’ll do some tests to find out. But she told me not to worry about it so I have tried not to and it has worked surprisingly well.
//Syntium
