Still worrying
Current mood: Depressed
‘I’ve been down a lonely street tonight, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me’
Still dwelling on thoughts that I probably shouldn’t think. I’m good at that. Dwelling. Probably should have a degree in it by now.
I just wish it would be Tuesday already so that I could get it overwith. And she’ll (my doctor) probably tell me that it’s nothing to worry about. Or she won’t know what it is, and refer me further to someone else who tells me there’s nothing to worry about.
I guess.. That I don’t have any hopes that life will be ok. That I will be ok. That’s why I’m, in a weird, twisted way, is hoping for cancer. It’s very fucked up to wish for cancer, I know. But I can’t help doing it. It’s like.. It would give me a ‘legal’ way out, so to say. I want to live, like really live! But I am not doing that at the moment, it feels, and I have as said no hope for myself that this will ever change.
DAMN!
I know, I know.. Stop dwelling, think happy thoughts, do something!
Think I will make myself a cup of tea.
//Syntium
