Started to think some more..
Why does a soul have to suffer? It’s not easy feeling depressed and stuff (been there, done that, have the t-shirt).
We’ve established that I am inclined to believe the reincarnation theory. Now, if that is so, maybe the core of the soul is gathering information. But for what? My only reference here is Earth, since we know nothing of life on other planets yet (that doesn’t mean that there isn’t any).
Maybe it’s a kind of trial and error thing. Think of all the life forms that has existed throughout the eons of time, everything from the first ameba, to the largest dinosaur, to a human. Why did all the dinosaurs die out just like that? Maybe someone/something realised that there needed to be a ‘higher’ life form than a reptile, with a more evolved emotional life. That it had gotten all the info it needed from them and it was time to start over with something new.
Like I said in the previous post, nothing lasts forever. But there can never ever be just ‘nothing’. Transformed energy and all that.
And the suffering? I think everyone suffers from time to time. Some more than others. But I don’t think anyone’s life is a breeze even if it may seem like that from a distance.
I don’t kow, maybe I come off as a total oddball writing all of this. But I’m just trying to make sense of stuff. Or maybe not make sense, but define what I believe myself. Because the truth is, we’ll never know anything, at least not as long as we are on this planet.
I do however have another little theory about that, whatever you think is going to happen to you after you die, maybe that’s what’s going to happen as well.. But just not Heaven or Hell. They are man made, at least Hell is. God didn’t create the humans, humans created god. Or, that’s my belief at any rate.
I’m open for debate on all of this, so if you feel like dropping me a comment, don’t hesitate.
I just have to scribble down some thoughts, if I can word them, that is. Some thoughts are just feelings, and I just get the feeling that everything I say has been said before but in a much better way. This will just be random thoughts with no order what so ever.
But anyway..
We can’t be sure of a lot.. Certainly not what the media writes (ok, some sources are more reliable that others, but that’s a whole other subject). The only thing that’s certain for us all is death. That nothing lasts forever, only a different amount of time. This I believe. That even the universe is born at some point and dies at some point and that it’s replaced by something else. Maybe another universe, maybe something completely different. I base this on my thought that every being, be it human or a six-legged bug, is a universe. Something we can never fully comprehend. I think I am as close to D as I possibly can, but still there’s a whole lot to him that I will never reach. Like the stars at night.
I am not sure that the universe is infinite, it has boundaries, but what lies outside those boundaries I have no clue.
But on the other hand.. Is there a limitation to a human being? I mean there are the physical stuff, but the soul? If I may take D for example again, as close as we are, there are thoughts in him that I can’t follow, and vice versa of course. What I’m writing down now is more of intuitive feelings of what I believe of Life, Universe and Everything. And to communicate those feelings, we would have to develop another way of communicating, like telepathy or something. I can describe a feeling, but I an never ever be sure of what D interprets them as, even if he says he understands.
I wonder if the feelings us humans feel are the same. And here comes the telepathy thing again… If I could somehow transfer my feeling to D, then he would understand a lot better.
I used to wish for a way to be able to communicate telepathically, when I was younger and had trouble telling what I felt or describe it. But, as I grew older, those mental blocks dissipated, and now I feel that I can get across what I actually feel pretty well most of the time.
But on the other hand.. The mind can be endless, or can it? I’m not sure what to think about that. I mean, there must be a million thoughts that will never even be on my mental checklist. But maybe on someone else’s? Maybe we should form a sort of collective mind, where we can get thoughts from each other? (Yes that was a joke. A half joke ;)
I do wish telepathy could work, then, where words don’t suffice, you could just ‘beam’ the love (for example) to a person that can’t really believe that you love them or understand why. Surround them in pink, fluffy clouds where they would feel loved, no matter what.
And I also believe that if we could ‘talk’ this way, there would be less unhappy people. Maybe less mentally ill people, if we could just get across that they are understood and not alone. Perhaps we will evolve to that, who knows? If our own stupidity doesn’t kill us before that. I wish I could stick around and see what happens to the world. Not that I would like to be immortal, not at all, but watch from a distance or something..
..Which leads us into the subject of what happens when you die. I am probably contradicting myself now, but I want to believe in the eternal soul. And the soul? Well the soul is.. Something that lives inside of you, your mind, and outside of you like an aura (or maybe it is the aura also?). That undefinable thing that makes you unique. It’s an energy, and energy can’t be destroyed, only transformed. So the 100,000 $ question is.. What is a soul transformed from and to, after a human uses it? I think I’m starting to get into the whole reincarnation thing. I mean, it sort of makes sense. But if so then the soul would expand with every person it ‘inhabits’, because there’s something unique with everyone. Which leads me to believe that even a soul has its limits. And when it’s done being reincarnated in various human bodies, it travels on to.. Some place where it can rest and maybe its energy will decrease into a core of this soul.
But what of the place where the soul’s rest then? Hmm, well I suppose it must be a part of the universe, and as such also a kind of energy that transforms every now and then.
There’s just so much I want to know about everything, but a part of me says that some things we are just not meant to know. At least not yet. Maybe in a distant future.
Phew, feels like I’ve solved every mystery there is. Thank you for reading my rant ^_^.
Michael Jackson is dead.
I feel confused about it, almost disoriented. He is one of those persons that has ‘always’ been there it seems and fifty years is too young an age to pass away at. My heart goes out to his family.
Though I’ve never been an hardcore fan of Michael Jackson, he’s done some great songs that I enjoy listening to.
But it sort of pisses me off when people write stuff like “Oh, now the plastic surgeons have one less faithful customer”. Isn’t that kind of a trivial thing to bring up? I mean so what?
On the pedophilia thing.. He was never convicted of that, and I really don’t have an opinion on the subject, except that we’ll probably never know the truth. Well actually, to be honest, I’d never thought I’d write that, in his defense sort of. There was a time (when there were trials and stuff) that I wondered if I really should listen to his music or try to boycott it. As said, there are songs by him that I love, so I never really could decide. I have thought him strange too, when you read about that he slept in an oxygen tent and stuff like that. But it’s a strange world too.
Apparently he was supposed to do some concerts in London, that would be his last. I somehow never really believed that they would happen. That he would call them off at the last minute or something like that, but I never expected that he would die. I don’t know if this is a ‘bad’ thought or not but… Maybe it was just as well that they didn’t take place. Like I said, I’m not an hardcore Michael Jackson fan, but I wouldn’t want to have read the reviews in the papers if he had sucked. There would have been unreasonably high expectations on him, and I wouldn’t want have read that he had become a bad parody of himself.
I don’t know.. Maybe his death affected me more than I describe. He was, I guess, one of those who sort of defined my childhood in a subtle way, and someone who’d be around forever. But people die and it’s like a lesson we never learn, that someone can suddenly disappear. He was like this icon, not human in a way, and then he dies which is a most human thing to do.. Guess that’s what’s confuses me.
I wanted to have ended this post in a more uplifting way but I really don’t know how, so..
//Syntium
‘Like a comet
Blazing ‘cross the evening sky
Gone too soon’
I survived the midsummer’s weekend. Barely. There’s not a whole lot to say about that, lots of food, lots of kids everywhere. I slept through most of it, it feels. Still, it was actually kind of nice to spend some time with the family, surprisingly enough, heh.
Yesterday, when I finally got back home I felt so exhausted, and for some strange reason, mostly in my legs as if I been standing up for 24 hours straight. Weird.
Anyway, I’ve started a diary of what I eat, when I eat it, and how much. And also of how much I exercise. I started doing this two days before I went to my parents and, of course, I didn’t keep that close a diary at all when I was there. So, today I’m starting over! D suggested that I should start yesterday already, but then I was too exhausted, and not at all in the mood to remember all the not so healthy things I’ve eaten during the weekend.
But, as said, I’m starting over today and it feels good!
It was just so typical yesterday evening, I wanted to eat and eat and eat. But then I asked myself: ‘Why do I want to eat? I’m not That hungry?’ Then the answer hit me, I was bored out of my skull. And with that realisation, I managed to control myself. And that felt good, that I Can affect things to the better, if I’m aware of why I do things, or think the thoughts I think.
With that said, I’m off to do a few minutes on my stationary bike.
Went to the doctor yesterday, and guess what?! I got the referral to the surgeon! The first step is over, and hopefully, I will get an appointment soon. Like real soon.
Why do I always want to start projects that is so expensive? Right now, I’m thinking of removing my cat tattoo, and replace it with.. Another cat tattoo.
Well, anyway I’d just thought I’d check how much it costs and if it can be partially removed and the rest covered up. I wouldn’t bet on it though, the cat I’ve got is pitch black and the one I want is white and grey. But we’ll see.
I hate that I had to change my theme. Now my website is not, what’s the word.. homogeneous. Guess I’ll have to try and phase the other pages so that it’ll somehow fit this blog. Don’t know how though. Have to think about it.
I think I may have found The theme for my blog. It’s dark, it’s widget ready and it looks good. Although I don’t have any use for that extra sidebar.. Or do I? Hmm..
I’m starting to get pretty nervous about tomorrow. What if the doctor absolutely refuses to refer me to a surgeon? And say that I have to work harder, lose kg’s before she’ll do it?
Well, then.. I guess I’ll just sit in her office until she does write the referral.
I’ll tell her that I want to talk to the surgeon myself.
But I don’t know.. Feels like I’ve got all the arguments on my side, so it shouldn’t be a problem, but you never know with doctors.
And my health coach told me, the waiting line was only 5-8 weeks. I find that hard to believe, it sounds to good to be true. But gawd, I hope it’s true.
Arrgh! Gnurrf!! *hisses*
When I had upgraded to WordPress 2.8, I noticed something wrong in the blog’s title. It didn’t say ‘Syntium (line) The Blog’ as usual but Syntium | The blog. The problem was the font so I, not wanting to change the font, is on the hunt for the perfect theme.
Damn, I really hate this. I had made the theme I had myself, and I was really pleased with it, didn’t want to change :Z
And how am I supposed to find the the perfect theme for me anyway? I want it dark, simple and widget ready. And good looking. If it’s dark, then it’s not widget ready, and if it’s widget ready it’s got little ponies that eat rainbows and poop butterflies on it and so on and so forth ad finitum. It’s so hard to find a perfect theme. because there’s always something that makes it not perfect. But I’ll try finding the best anyway.
But do expect a lot of changing around here, until I find the perfect theme!
Oh, and don’t upgrade to wp 2.8 yet, it’s bug infested :(
//Syntium
Part II 11:03
Current mood: Somewhat satisfied
Ok, it may have gone easier than I thought, finding a good theme. This one I kinda like, sooo.. We’ll see what happens.. I’ll probably get bored or something and change anyway. But who knows?
I’ve bought my first item off ebay. 45 styluses in various colors as you can see. And there was 3 of each color so maybe I’ll give one of each to D. If he wants them that is, he’s not a gadget freak, at least not as much as me ^_^.
So what have I been up to? Well, I’ve seen my health coach, and I had lost 2 kg. And Tuesday I will speak to my doctor about surgery. I hope she will refer me further.
Well, I have been playing with some pearls, doing Nes sprites, I’ll post a pic of that too.
And today I dropped of my book to one of the local newspapers, hopefully they will write good things about it.
Well, that’s about it I guess.. I imagined a long post about all kinds of stuff, but now my head is empty. I should start keep notes of what I should write here.
