Syntium – The Blog

Current mood: Showered

Ok, so things are better now than the last post. I think I just needed time to unwind from a lot of tension that’s been going on. But now that’s solved and I don’t really have to worry about it anymore. Which of course feels good. Don’t know if I’ve written this but, there’s a saying which I think is Swedish, that goes (roughly translated) “if you don’t have any problems, you’ll obtain them yourself”. Well something like that anyway.

I have posted the first chapter of a story called ‘The path to immortality’ on fanfiction.net. It is based on Diablo II: Lord of Destruction, and is basically my ‘walkthrough’ of the game, but how I interpret the story. I’ve played A LOT of D2: LoD, and it really leaves a lot more to the imagination than what, for example, World of Warcraft does. I my opinion that is. There’s just so much lore and stuff, and I am not familiar with the other previous games. Of course there’s a story behind Diablo as well but I’m not sure if there is as much as WoW.

Speaking of games, I have the past few days played lots and lots of Mario Slam Basketball on my DS Lite. This game really caught me, because I have this weird obsession with basketball, and although you get to use weapons and stuff in the game (I don’t use them as much as I should probably) it still feels like a good basketball game! Not that I’ve played any other, but still ^_^ And.. it also raises the question, if Bowser has a few go-cart tracks and a basket ball court, what other fun things does he have in his castle? Ping-pong table?  Tennis court?  Track ‘n’ field stadium? Maybe I should write a fan fic based on Mario slam basketball ^^

//Syntium

Current mood: Broken

‘Hello darkness, my old friend’

It’s over me again. This anguish over Life. Or rather my life in particular. I keep asking myself the question ‘why? Why live?’ But I fail to come up with a good answer. I just can’t find a really good reason to live right now. Not that I want to kill myself, but I feel kind of blank. Like nothing matters.

I’m supposed to do this gastric bypass sometime next year because I need to lose a few tons. Anyway, I keep thinking that this surgery won’t change anything except that I’ll be thinner (hopefully anyway). I’ll still be me, with the same struggles, same difficulties (well, yes, except the physical stuff) same angst..

D is an invaluable support for me. Haven’t seen him since January though. And when we’ll  meet, a year has passed at the very least.. Can’t remember what he smells like. I need him to hug me, take me away from all of this wallowing in self pity and stuff. But even if he was here I’m not sure that would help. It’s just like this huge hole inside of me.

I just want to take pills, to numb myself. Just sleep. Then maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.

//Syntium

Current mood: Bored!

I got an appointment with the dietitian. On the 25th of Janu-fucking-ary! As in next year! As in I won’t have my gastric bypass until springtime I suppose. And that sucks!
Well, to look at the bright side of things, at least I’ve got an appointment now, even if it isn’t until next freaking year! I shouldn’t be brought down by this though, I mean, time does go by albeit slowly.

Another thing on my Annoying-and-frustrating-as-hell-list, we have: Writing! I’m thinking of it all the time almost (when I’m not thinking of the gastric bypass), and I have like a million ideas I want to write down, but if I open a document to do so, all the inspiration and desire to write goes away. Frustrating is what it is.

On the other hand, waiting for the surgery will give me time to save up for my cat and the stuff that goes with it. Or should I say them? Perhaps I shouldn’t say anything at all, who knows when I’ll get a cat. Not before the 25th of January, that’s for sure.

//Syntium

Current mood: Proud

Yeah, so I’m back. For the time being anyway. I just thought I’d throw a little pointer towards my new Photos and Pictures blog. The idea is that I will post photos I’ve taken, or images I’ve made.
But I do suspect that when I get cat(s) it will be mostly about them. I will however try and take some pics for you and upload. It’s been a long time since I actually went out to take some photographs. Not that I am in any way a professional photographer, I just get sort of lucky sometimes, and do get a pretty good pic. ;)

About the current mood… I am proud to have set up my own photoblog. And I am thinking of removing the blog “Dreams to reality”. Haven’t written there in ages and I doubt anyone reads it , so..

Well, smell ya laters

//Syntium