Syntium – The Blog

Current mood: Contemplative

‘Let us die young or let us live forever’

I don’t really know how to start this entry. I just have bits an pieces of different thoughts. Maybe I can break it up if I just start writing.

It seems to be almost a shameful thing these days, that you do get older. Plastic surgery isn’t considered that extreme these days. And then there are various skin creams that’s supposed to make you look younger (they don’t work by the way).
To me this seems very superficial. There’s no stopping aging so why be ashamed about it and try to stop it, or prolong youth? I have no real answers to that, I just think it’s a pity that we are so shallow, that we are willing to go under the knife for it.

And what about ‘real’ aging then? My grandmother just turned 80. She forgets things and seems confused at times. Her body can’t keep up the way it used to, and I feel that this must be very frustrating. And this with forgetting things, I can only imagine what it would feel like. Probably embarrassing but also scary, when ‘caught’.
Because it scares the hell out of me. Partly because it’s happening to a loved one and I don’t want to see that happen, her increasing forgetfulness. And partly because I realize that I’m not immortal. Not that death scares me very much, but to get old and wither away, that’s what scares me.

I have sometimes sensed that she feels that she is done with living. I mean, my grandfather passed away eleven years ago, I think she’s very lonely at times, and doesn’t have that much to do during the days. But when I say she’s done with living, I mean that, maybe there’s a point in life where you feel like you’ve ‘done your part’ so to speak. That you have nothing left to give. She often wants to talk about her childhood and how fun it was, and I get sad when she always somehow lead the subject back to how things used to be. How it was better in the old days. But then again, maybe you feel like you want to stay on for a little while, see what becomes of the great grand children. And then another little while. I don’t she’s ready to drop dead just like that, but maybe she’s mentally weary. I don’t know.

I don’t know if I’m getting my point across. I guess I am afraid of growing old and senile or something, instead of die in an accident or sudden illness. Not that I want to die now, but like I said, I’d rather go quick and sudden, rather than wither away.

//Syntium

I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t resist.. XD

//Syntium

This is the Norwegian contribution to the Eurovision Song Contest in 1995. Needless to say; it won. And it ‘s my all time favourite.

//Syntium

The original:

And Not the original:

//Syntium

Current mood: Contemplative

‘Mountains won’t miss me
The woods won’t be sorry
The earth won’t be in lack of company
Even since we’ve turned to daisies’

I have written here about the lump in my throat, that turned out to be something like.. Well, I don’t know the English word for it, but I supposed that it was harmless. Anyway, I was supposed to go back there after six weeks, but for some reason it took a while and I was back at the hospital only just recently. It turned out, the lump had grown a little, so the doctor want to remove it which I will do on November the 2nd.

He said it was an 80-90% chance that it was this harmless thing that I don’t know the English word for, the thing that a previous test showed.
I’m not That worried. But still.. Sometimes I seem to focus on the 10-20% chance that it is something else. The odds are against me it seems. My dad has had some kind of lymphoma, my sister had a tumor near the ear, my grandmother suffers from skin cancer.. But still, as I write this… I don’t really know. At this precise moment, I guess I’m not worrying, and that I try to suppress it. But still I’d feel a whole lot better to get it over with. This.. Not knowing, and just wondering back and forth.

I’ve written about this lump before, that I thought it might be cancer, and that I feel I’m ‘not that lucky’, meaning that I’m not that lucky for it to actually be cancer. So why would I call myself lucky if I actually had cancer? Would I refuse treatment? The answer is.. I don’t know. Maybe it’s a left over from when I was really depressed. Or maybe I just have some kind of death wish. A part of me is curious about death and the afterlife, so to say. But to me, this raises the question: why am I not curious about Life? I have almost not experienced anything but pain and darkness in my life, isn’t it time to live a little? I just don’t get myself sometimes. Maybe I’m just scared.

//Syntium

Current mood: Bored again

Apparently, Mario Slam Basketball is called Mario hoops 3-on-3 in The States. Just in case no one over there understood what game I was referring to in the last post ;)

My life has purpose again! Well, my life in World of Warcraft anyway ^_^. I will get Cold weather flying (when I’m at the proper level for that) and then I will tame the games most beautiful animal: Loque’nahak. Or, technically, it is a spirit beast. I don’t really know what the difference is, shallow as I am, I’m only getting it for the looks ^^. Wonder if I’ll hit 80 before Cataclysm comes out..? I hope so. Depends on how much energy I spend on playing it of course. I’m level 71 at the moment so it’s not That far off. It would be fun though to have my main get to the max level before the next expansion, but as said, it depends on how lazy I am (:

Yes, summer definately moved on. Wind is blowing, rain is pouring and thick grey clouds hang ominously in the sky.. I hate this. That I am forced to wear shoes, I really truly hate it!  Days are getting shorter, it’s getting colder and colder and it’s just.. Blergh!

I am probably going to some info meeting about my gastric bypass in late October. Which is a good thing because I want all the information I can get, about the procedures and for how long I’ll be on liquids only. Stuff like that. Seems to be different procedures for different hospitals. Because I’ve read that it is only liquid ‘food’ three weeks before the surgery. But my moral support, who went with me to the surgeon said that he had said six weeks. Six frikkin’ weeks is more than a month! Wonder how I’ll manage that one. But I guess I just have to handle it somehow. Maybe there are room for slipups, I don’t know.

//Syntium