Syntium – The Blog

Current mood: Contemplative

‘Let us die young or let us live forever’

I don’t really know how to start this entry. I just have bits an pieces of different thoughts. Maybe I can break it up if I just start writing.

It seems to be almost a shameful thing these days, that you do get older. Plastic surgery isn’t considered that extreme these days. And then there are various skin creams that’s supposed to make you look younger (they don’t work by the way).
To me this seems very superficial. There’s no stopping aging so why be ashamed about it and try to stop it, or prolong youth? I have no real answers to that, I just think it’s a pity that we are so shallow, that we are willing to go under the knife for it.

And what about ‘real’ aging then? My grandmother just turned 80. She forgets things and seems confused at times. Her body can’t keep up the way it used to, and I feel that this must be very frustrating. And this with forgetting things, I can only imagine what it would feel like. Probably embarrassing but also scary, when ‘caught’.
Because it scares the hell out of me. Partly because it’s happening to a loved one and I don’t want to see that happen, her increasing forgetfulness. And partly because I realize that I’m not immortal. Not that death scares me very much, but to get old and wither away, that’s what scares me.

I have sometimes sensed that she feels that she is done with living. I mean, my grandfather passed away eleven years ago, I think she’s very lonely at times, and doesn’t have that much to do during the days. But when I say she’s done with living, I mean that, maybe there’s a point in life where you feel like you’ve ‘done your part’ so to speak. That you have nothing left to give. She often wants to talk about her childhood and how fun it was, and I get sad when she always somehow lead the subject back to how things used to be. How it was better in the old days. But then again, maybe you feel like you want to stay on for a little while, see what becomes of the great grand children. And then another little while. I don’t she’s ready to drop dead just like that, but maybe she’s mentally weary. I don’t know.

I don’t know if I’m getting my point across. I guess I am afraid of growing old and senile or something, instead of die in an accident or sudden illness. Not that I want to die now, but like I said, I’d rather go quick and sudden, rather than wither away.

//Syntium