End of November-thoughts
Current mood: Sad
‘Give me a taste of what’s to come
Give me a medicine
Teach me a lesson maybe I deserve to know
Cut me down to size and paralyze me
With the contents of you pretty little head’
Why can’t life be more.. Like you want it to be? It feels like I am constantly waiting for Life. Waiting to feel better from depression and schizophrenia. Waiting for the gastric bypass that, hopefully, will change my life. Waiting for a cat. And I am waiting for D.
I want him to come and just hold me forever, and I don’t want to feel scared or jealous.
As said, I am constantly waiting it feels. For life to begin. For inspiration to come to me so that I can write my generational novel. Waiting to feel like using the exercise bike.
Okay, I shouldn’t be too pessimistic. I have tried to change my eating habits, and it’s worked out pretty well.
But still, that’s only to prepare myself for the surgery. I’m preparing for my life, I’m not living it. Like, I bought this whiteboard, to do mind maps and stuff for stories so that I can get a better overview. Ok so that’s all well and good. But I can’t picture me writing anything on it without a cat. What do I need a cat for to write on a whiteboard? Well, I need someone to discuss my ideas out loud without feeling like a total nutcase. Not that anyone would hear me if I spoke out loud now, I’d just feel weird. My point being.. I’m buying stuff to satisfy some need I don’t really have right now, but I might in the future.
It’s screwed up, I know.
My countdown-gadget says that it’s ‘only’ 1 month and 26 days until I get to go to the dietitian. So time has gone by some, it still feels like forever until I’ll get to meet with her. And even longer until the actual gastric bypass.
‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans’
Too true.
//Pessimistic Syntium
