To Darren
There’s so many things that I want to say, so I don’t know how much sense this will make, but here we go..
By accident, I stumbled upon an exclusive download of the booklet of the Time machine tour, in a corner of my computer’s hard drive. And I read what you’ve written there, and suddenly it hit me what you were saying, about how you have to make peace with you past to move on.
I am at the moment 28 years old, and I’ve been feeling depressed and paranoid since about when I was 10 years old. The depression got worse over the years, my teens were almost unbearable, and my early twenties even worse. Then, in my early twenties I got diagnosed for schizophrenia (that’s were the paranoia and hallucinations came from).
From when I was 24 to about 26-27 I was feeling so-so. Not depressed but not happy either. I thought a lot about the past, why it had turned out the way it had. I wanted a scapegoat for my crappy teens, like ‘Why didn’t anyone help me?’
Now I know that everyone did what they could to the best of their knowledge.
On June 19th 2008, I started to write a book. The thought was that I needed to get it all out, so that family and anyone involved would see things from my point view. I was brutally honest, about thoughts, suicide attempts, all the horrible feelings I’ve felt about myself.
I have only gotten a positive response from people who’ve read it and that feels wonderful.
Back to the point of this blog post.. I realized that this book was my little time machine in which I went back and forgave myself and my past, so to say. I went back in time, with the knowledge I had (through years of therapy), and somehow healed myself. I feel free! Reborn if you will, and ready to move on and create new, better, memories. I just wanted you to know about my revelation.
Now, I can’t even begin to describe what your music has meant, and mean, to me. Don’t ever doubt that your music matter, because it does! It touches me on so many levels, I haven’t found another artist that I love pretty much All of the songs with, except you. I can’t wait to hear your new album! And, on a side note, I am kind of old-fashioned, so please always release your music on cd? Please? =) And don’t ever stop recording your beautiful music!
//J
