Syntium – The Blog

Current mood: Tired, blue

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain. Today is one of those days. A preliminary date has been set for my Gastric bypass, April 30th. Maybe it will be sooner, maybe (but I certainly do not hope so) later if there’s an emergency or something. So, of course, that occupies my mind a lot.

I’ve also gotten the opportunity to have a cat living with me for six weeks. It will be so exciting, to have a little furry friend here, if only for a while. But that has also taken up a lot of space in my brain.

Then there’s the whole thing ‘what should I do’ for the rest of my life? Where should I live? Is it really the best time to get cats now? (Not that anything can stop me, but still..).
And sometimes I wish I was in another time and another place in my life. Some place where I’m happy and content, where I’m I feel that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Somewhere I can relax and not this constant longing for the future. For a cat, for me to have lost weight, for a job that I like, for D to be near.

Yeah, D.. I miss him. A lot. But now is not the time for me to move closer to him. Not for another year or so at the very least. If ever. We’ll just have to wait and see. And that’s the hard part for me, I’m always so impatient, and my own impatience stresses me out as does my laziness. Did it work out what I said I would try in the last entry, with drawing at least half an hour a day? No of course not. I’m to lazy, and things don’t get as good as I want them to be. I still draw like a ten-year-old. But then again, if I had been a bit better, I probably would not be satisfied anyway. But it is frustrating in any case!

Damn.. Writing that I miss D made me miss him even more.. >_<

//Syntium

‘I wanna rock! Rock!’

Current mood: Confused

I need to get my act together, and find out what I want to do for a living (I almost wrote ‘for the rest of my life’ there). First I should find something fun to do like an hour or two, twice a week maybe, to get the old machinery working and stuff. The problem is, it has to feel worthwhile for me, so I was thinking maybe a pet shop. That may be suitable.

But then what? I wanted to become a movie maker once upon a time, but I don’t think I could handle such a stressful job. If I could draw, I would do some animated little short films. But I can’t draw so, no go. If I weren’t so lazy, I could learn HTML, PHP, CSS and Flash to do web sites. Writing? I’m not as good as I want to be, and seem to get in the mood to practise very seldom.

The thing with me is.. I get bored too easy, I give up too easy. So maybe I need to learn how to draw. Let’s say I practise half an hour a day. Then a half hour could be devoted to building web sites and another half hour to writing, or maybe more for those things I have more patience with.

I got really inspired by this video (I will post it at the end of this entry), and I’ve been inspired before to do animating. Like one very big influence on me would be Darren Hayes’  ‘This Delicate Film We’ve made’. Or technically, Richard Cullen animated most of those videos. But anyway, that’s the kind of animation I want to do. For maybe music videos. Yeah, music videos sounds good.

I have no clue where to start..

//Syntium

Current mood: Impatient

Well, I did realize that if you look generously upon it, it’s a matter of weeks before I have my gastric bypass. They thought it would be sometime in April, and Gawd I hope it will be soon! If I’ve calculated right there’s at most eight weeks to the actual surgery! Yay I say! Now, if we only could have a little spring as well, life would be almost perfect. (It’s not going to be perfect until I have my GBP).

And I could have a little more money of course.. I need to buy a scale so that I know how much weight I’ll lose. And I need to buy a tripod for my videocamera, because the one I had I sold to my brother. And I don’t have the money for either one right now, but I need them, just in case I get to start the liquid diet soon. (Yeah, about the tripod, I will film my ‘progress’ so to speak, but it ain’t going on youtube. Just for me to see ;).

The question is how will I afford these two, for me right now, kind of expensive things? I have no clue. I’ll probably end up stealing from my cat savings (again!).

It sucks, this waiting. I hate waiting. I am so impatient.

//Impatient Syntium

Current mood: A little bit of everything..

Burfday stuff over. Got some money, which will go to my cat savings, some flowers and stuff. Overall it was decently painless, though I was tired after everyone left.

In other news, everything about this theme should work now, the searching and the commenting I mean. If you spot an error please let me know.

And it’s, of course, snowing again. I’m not sure it’ll be spring, ever! No really, I’m despairing. No more barefooting, no more warm air, sunshine. Ok this weekend was kind of sunny, which led me to believe that it could actually be spring. I saw dry spots of asphalt! Don’t even remember when I did that last time.

Enough bitchin’ about the weather.. Not that I have anything else to bitch about. I lead a dull life at the moment. But maybe.. Maybe there will be a change next month. Maybe the surgery will take place then. I called them peeps responsible and she said about mid or the end of April! But who knows. At least it will be this side of the summer.

Well, things were shitty in the last entry. They still are, but not as much ‘panic disorder’ as it was last week. And that is a comfort. I just get the feeling that I should feel bad. I should have anxiety attacks because I deserve them. But in the end, they are a pain in the ass so.. Dunno if I should feel relieved or ‘try to feel worse’ than I already do.

Guess that was my two cents for now.

//Syntium