Kick my hrango
Current mood: Sad, stressed out
I wish D was here. He is coming to visit in just 10 days, and I have started the countdown. Why am I stressed out? Because I am scared that time will fly by too fast when D comes. He’s staying here about two weeks, and I’m afraid that that won’t feel enough. That I won’t have the time to ‘get enough’ of him.
And sad then? Well, to be honest, it was something D said..
He said that it made him sad that I am a shopoholic. At first I was offended by that, thinking “It’s not like I don’t pay the bills and buy food first Before I buy stuff”. But then I thought about it and he’s right. I am a shopoholic. To my defense, I don’t buy random stuff just to buy them. But if it’s something I really want then I’ll buy it. The problem is I want a lot of things. I buy clothes that don’t really fit me yet. And today I bought this beautiful pendant. Anyway, if I find something that I really like to buy, or consider buying, I’ll tell D because I want his opinion.
Like the pendant. I guess I wanted him to say ‘Yeah, that’s a beautiful pendant that will fit you perfectly, you’ve got good taste’. Or something like that anyway. But I guess it all makes him uncomfortable in some way. Maybe what I am looking for is his ‘approval’ or so to say. I have this urge to buy stuff to satisfy something inside me, that I don’t really know what it is. (I wish my therapist wasn’t on vacation).
To be honest (again), there was a while when I didn’t feel this urge to buy stuff, and now it hit me like a ton of bricks. My best guess is that, I haven’t been very careful in taking my medicine. Complete and utter laziness was the cause. But now I’m back on track with taking it, but maybe this is an effect of not taking the medicine? That deep, deep, deeeeep down there’s some anxiety I am trying to control by buying stuff? I don’t know.
The title of this post is really random (or maybe not so random). It is the name of a picture D made, apparently it’s from a game (don’t remember which at this point) and means to kick someone in the groin.
//Syntium
