Again, much time has passed since I wrote here. I don’ seem to have the need to publish every little thought and feeling.

I have taken up diary writing again, and I love it. They say different parts of the brain are used when writing with a pen and keyboard respectively. I believe that. It feels more natural to write with a pen and your thoughts doesn’t get held up by trying to find the right key.
Paper is important of course. I’ve ordered some yellow legal pads, that arrived today and finally!
When I googled for “yellow legal pads” I found people who are as particular as I am when it comes to paper and notebooks. It made me feel warm inside, that I am not alone in feeling like that. Anywhere they have office supplies is like a toy store for me ^^.  I had to import those yellow legal pads, we don’t have them here.
The ideal would of course be if I could head over to the US myself and go to Office Depot and buy notebooks and pads, but that would make them kind of expensive.

I’m going there some day and buy loads of notebooks and notepads! Some day…

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;D

It’s only temporary, I will continue looking for an apartment of my own, but I’m kind of hoping we will both feel it’s the right thing to be living together. At this precise moment, it’s the right thing to do, and I hope it will stay that way =)
I never thought it could feel like this, like I want to embrace the whole world. And not just the being in love thing (yeah, I’m in love with D), but it feels like I’m bursting with these good feelings.

So, I thought, new town, new habits. I’m thinking of having a real diary again. You know, a notebook, with a pen. ^^ I’m not as paranoid as I was, say, ten years ago so I may not burn this new diary like I did with the ones I kept during my teens and so on. We’ll see.

One thing I hope though, when on the subject of writing, that I will be able to write more stuff. All kinds of stuff. The problem is that I got too many things going on in my head at once, that I want to write, and I can only focus on one at a time. Maybe that’s not a big problem, I can always focus on one thing and when I get bored with that, write on something else.

So, uh… I don’t really know where this blog’s heading. I renewed my subscription for the website, but I don’t feel like writing here as much as I did in the beginning. And really, who reads these personal blogs anyway? ;)

//Syntium

D… What can I say that Darren Hayes can’t say even better? ;)

It is said that good things comes to those who wait. And I have realized that I am glad I waited, that I made it through the sucky years. The future feels bright and good things are heading our way, I just know it. You were right all along, telling me to hold on, because the sunny future was there!

I’m overflowing with feelings for you. I just want to be close to you, hold you tight and hear you heartbeat. It’s so soothing to hear. I can’t hide what I am feeling for you, and I don’t want to. I want the world to know, but at the same time… I know that no one could ever understand the deep, profound strings that tie us together

As the Darren Hayes-quote goes ‘You keep me stronger’, it’s true (well, all of those words are true). You make me want to be a better person. I want to make you happy, in any way I can. And know that you make me so happy too.

I think I’ve said this to you before: People may come and go in our lives, but you are my true constant. My other half. You complete me. And soon I will be complete again.

I love you!

//J

Just sayin’. ^^

//Syntium

Current mood: Confused

First off, I’d like to congratulate the world’s greatest D on his burfday, so… Happy birthday D!

With that said, I don’t really know what to write. Everyday I think about writing here, but it seldom feels completely right. I don’t know why that is. But it gets me thinking why I keep this blog, or any blog that I have (I have a few of them).
This one I like the best, so to speak, but still… And I don’t want to write just nonsense every five minutes (though I’ve had my fair share of nonsense moments).
I guess there’s not much going on to tell in my life, or maybe this blog have played out its part, I really don’t know. I’ve had it for some time, since 2008 and I don’t really know what to do with it If I give up writing here completely.

But that doesn’t feel right either, to give it up completely. It’s not that I have this need of writing every day, but a few times a month would be alright. As it is now, well, it’s only once a month tops.

*sigh*

As said, I don’t really know what to do with this, not just the blog but the whole syntium website. What themes to have and stuff like that.

//Syntium

But anyway, what I was going to say is that I love spending time with D. We watched a few movies this weekend and I thought I’ list them for you (purely for my entertainment ;)

The first movie we saw was Tangled. I liked it a lot, it was fun albeit no surprises story wise. But, it’s Disney so…

The next movie we happened to see was Jackass 3D. I’ve never seen the show Jackass or anything like that, and I’m not really a fan of slapstick or people getting hurt for the sake of entertainment but though I hate to admit it… It was interesting to watch. It grew on me so to speak, and I started to actually enjoy watching people getting super glued to one another.

The next one… Well, after watching Jackass 3D with two guys (;), I felt I needed a counterweight. So, we saw Black swan. “Big mistake. Huge!” No, I don’t wish to ‘unsee’ it, it was a fantastic movie, but it made me feel crap after I saw it. It was pure angst!

The very lovable feeling of not knowing whether you are hallucinating, not being able to trust yourself or your senses, what they’re telling you… I’ve been there. Or the feeling of not knowing if you’re dreaming or not.
It was a huge anxiety attack to say the least.

And then yesterday D and I went to the movies. We saw ‘I am number four’. I was pleasantly surprised, I must say, though I did not have hig expectations to begin with so… Cool action flick, though the story could have been more ‘fleshed out’, I think. I wouldn’t mind seeing a sequel, and I guess it left an opening for that to happen. Guess we’ll see.

So, on another note, D will help me with my writing and I am supposed to start by writing him a pitch of sorts so that he can get a grasp of my idea (and maybe it will help me to get a grasp of it too).
So, with that said, I should start writing :)

I… Just… Tamed… Skoll! And, I only started looking today! I’m such a lucky dawg, found Loque’nahak just by coincidence also, when I was searching for him. Found Skoll at Bor’s breath, and now he is known as… Thunder! Loque’nahak a.k.a Frost will be in the stables for a while. Think I will tame a red fox as well, just for the fun of it ^^.

As said, I only started looking today, half spamming the chat with “Anyone seen Skoll lately?” and of course using a macro to target him. So, when the macro reacted I first thought something was wrong, but then I realized that I had to have found him! And I got nervous that someone would kill him, since there seemed to be other people camping for him. He pounced me when I started taming him (so cute).

Same thing as with Frost (a.k.a Loque’nahak), at first I just couldn’t believe that I had actually tamed him. Cheered out loud, bounced up and down, I did ^^. But with Frost it was harder, he killed me several times, and I was so afraid that someone would take him from me.

So now, I am a proud owner of yes, count them two (2) spirit beasts!
Me so happy!

//Syntium

As mentioned in very early blog posts, I have a thing for notebooks. I bought a pack of three yesterday, and a notepad. I wanted to buy the 30th-anniversary Pac man one but it was really expensive so I probably wouldn’t even dare to remove the plastic wrapping. And really, what’s the use then? I imagine that I will use all of those notebooks and pads for Something, but I very rarely use my “idea book”. I do most, if not all of my writing on a computer and maybe some notes on my phone.

It’s a shame because I really like the thought of a full-scribbled note book. Full of ideas that is. Maybe that’s the problem. If I have any ideas then I’ll write them on the computer. It is a great feeling to write with a pen on paper. I should do it more often.

//Syntium

I sold my netbook to my brother at Christmas, because I needed money for the move. I still don’t have enough for the move by far! But selling the netbook.. I’m beginning to think that that was a stupid thing to do. Because I think I need one. To sit elsewhere in the apartment and just focus on the writing. Problem is.. A new one costs a lot more than I got for my old one. And I need that money for the move. But on the other side, I need to invest in a possible career as a writer. I’m so torn. So, so torn. I suppose I could sit by my ‘big’ computer but then I feel like I can’t really immerse myself in the writing. There’s just too many things that distract me there.
I can’t decide. No matter what I do, it would feel wrong in a big way. If I buy the netbook, then I won’t get to move as fast as I want and I would feel a little like wasting money on something that I probably could do on my big computer with (a great deal of) discipline. On the other hand, if I don’t buy the netbook, I might be.. Not as good a writer as I want to be. And I think it might be worth investing in, enhancing my writing skills. But as said I am so torn.
Fuck fuck fuck! I want to write. I have ideas, lots of them. But I seldom seem to actually write them down. I want to have a place where I can write them down in peace, and not be distracted by Facebook and all that stuff. Close it down you say? I can’t it’s just.. I can’t! D is supposed to help with my writing. We will start a sort of project together, which he will be the project leader of. We will put up little goals and stuff, so that I can write in a more structured way.
I’m just repeating myself.
//Syntium